By: Carrie White

I have been thinking about sharing this since December, but am just feeling this is the right time. When Benjamin was born, the nurse laid him on my chest for a minute, then the respiratory team took him straight to the nursery. They said he was fine. He was having some respiratory distress, but would be okay. They wanted an x-ray of his lungs to make sure everything was clear.

They soon came back to say his heart seemed larger than normal and they wanted to do an echo. They were giving him glucose through an IV because I was not allowed to feed him yet, they were giving him antibiotics due to some complications during birth, and he was on oxygen because his was dipping. They sent the echo to Norton’s Children’s, and they said they believed the veins that connect the lungs to the heart were not where they should be and were not delivering oxygen where it needed to go. They said they would have to do surgery to correct this, but they couldn’t tell me what the prognosis looked like.

It seemed every time they came in to talk, things got worse. We didn’t see any of this coming. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. We could only hold onto God and take comfort in the prayers that were being sent from friends and our family… our family that is also this church! We felt absolutely hopeless. There was nothing we could do to make the situation any better. Our new baby was being flown to Riley Hospital in Indy and we were being discharged to meet him there not even twelve hours after birth.

Randy met us there and prayed with us and Benjamin….that was a true bright spot, and a blessing we deeply needed. We got to stay in the room with him and it was the longest night waiting for the doctor’s report in the morning. During all of this he was able to come off of his oxygen and he was finally able to nurse. Things seemed to not be as bad. I remember thinking I would do whatever it took, and I would give anything for him to be okay. If I had control, this would not be happening to my child.

The doctor came in and seemed optimistic that things weren’t as bad as what we had been told. They did their own echo and came back to tell us everything was where it needed to be. He has a normal variation in his heart anatomy that made it hard for them to read the echo, but everything was functioning normally and well! We were able to go home, and they just wanted to see him back in a year to see how he was doing! I’m blessed to report that on December 8th, the pediatric cardiologist at Riley said she was trying to find a reason for us to have to come back, but she couldn’t. Our little boy was perfectly healthy and was fully released! God is so good!

Through that, I think about how much God loves us. I’m so thankful Jesus was willing to go to the cross, but I’m truly befuddled when I think about how much God loves us that He willingly allowed His Son to suffer so much and die to pay a debt He did not owe. God knew everything Jesus would have to go through. I don’t mean just the verbal ridicule, but the physical beating, the pain, the anguish, and ultimately complete separation from His Father for MY sin.

God knew He would have to turn His back on His own son, as the sins that He didn’t even commit were laid on Him. He paid the debt that He did not owe, but He did it because we could not pay. I thank God for the sacrifice that was made so I could have a relationship with the Father.

I’m thankful for the perspective Benjamin’s life has given me. I love all of you, but I wouldn’t give Benjamin up for anyone. I’m thankful that we celebrate this Easter season for the Christ who rose on the third day to give us life and set us free if we accept the free gift that cost Him so much. I thank God for the great love He has for us all!